Warning: long dry post ahead.
That puparoo in the picture is my 4.5 month old Louisiana Catahoula Leopard Dog named Dolly. I’ve had her for almost 3 months now. She is the most hardheaded, active and the loudest dog I have ever known. She thinks everything is a game which can drive me insane at times. But I LOVE this dog. She’s been a life saver. When I feel lonely, I bring this not so little girl into my lap and cuddle with her. She loves it. I love it. She does this thing that I can only describe as ‘screaming’ when I home come after a long day. She’s very vocal and her whines turn to screams when I give her a belly rub. It’s super fucking adorable. But my entire day could be going to shit for one reason or another or I’m upset because I feel lonely and this one will curl up in my lap and relax. Because she’s such a God send, I bring her to the dog park every couple of days as long as it’s not raining and let her socialize with other dogs. I have also bought her a kiddy pool so she can play in it because she loooooves playing in the water. She cries to get into the bathtub most days. So I’ll put her in there and close the drain, run the water for about 10 seconds and let her have at it. It’s fucking adorable. I absolutely love her. I am allergic to her though. So I am living on benadryl and other allergy medication so I’m not dying 24/7
I still have my bullybutt Cleo, but she’s been very sick lately and she hates Dolly. She was diagnosed with CHF (congestive heart failure) about a month and a half ago. She was also in kidney failure. And the vet said that her intestines are in her chest, but that was something that happened since birth. He said he’s never seen a dog make it past 9 days of life with that condition. And here my baby is, going on 9 years of life with her intestines in her chest. We took her back to the vet a week ago because her legs were swelling pretty terribly. They tested her kidney function and found that it had improved which was great news. I recommended to my parents that they stop giving her food with a lot of sodium in it. She’s refusing dog food (and after reading what is in Purina Beneful, I don’t blame her one second. I can’t believe I was poisoning my dog for so long) so my parents have been giving her people food. For a few weeks it was hotdogs, bologna, Vienna sausages, fried anything. So her sodium levels shot up and caused swelling in her legs and chest. They started cooking her steak with a minimal amount of seasoning and all of her swelling is gone. When she was first diagnosed, I didn’t think she was going to make it through the week. But my girl is a fighter. Its been well over a month since this all started and I am glad and so blessed that she is still with us.
My boyfriend Alex loves my dogs. He’s actually the one who convinced me to get Dolls. I saw her precious face on Facebook under a ‘for sale’ group. The woman was giving her and her siblings away. I showed Alex and he smiled and said “you should get her. Seriously.” So I did. She likes Alex more than she likes me. He’s such a great guy so I don’t blame her. After the whole situation in December, Alex proved himself to be a wonderful human being. He was by my side the whole way. He’s there when I need hugs. He’s there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Ice cream to eat. A margarita to drink. He’s always trying to get me to think positively. He’s protective of me. After December, when I asked him to, he came with me to the store every time I needed to go because I was terrified of going by myself. I was terrified of running into that guy and just breaking down. But Alex stood by my side. Held my hand. Told me to keep breathing. He’s witnessed my panic attacks. He has not once blamed me for December. And for that I am eternally grateful. He is always by my side. There to help me when I need it. Or don’t need it. He tries his hardest to make me happy and make me smile and I try the same with him. He’s so fantastically amazing for me. We have similar tastes in most things so we learn from each other. I cook for him because he can’t cook. He spoils me. We’re going to Lollapalooza in Chicago at the end of summer break. It’ll be my first time in Chicago and it’ll be the first time I meet his friends and family. I’m nervous and excited. He comes back from Chicago tonight (super excited) and he’s moving off base and into a house tomorrow. So Dolly will go live with him while my parents get the house ready for the big move and Cleo spends her last days as a happy bully.
And when my parents move in May, I’ll move in with Alex temporarily. At least until I can get a good paying job and get my own place. I’m currently looking for a full time job with benefits so I can get on my feet and be an adult. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing 90% of the time, but that 10% of the time that I do get it, I’m confident. I’m scared of this next chapter in my life, but I know with my best friend, my boyfriend, and my family, that I will make it.
Thanks for reading, y’all 🙂
Face of Depression 