Tag Archives: rape

Dark turns down dark roads

by

image

Apparently being single wasn’t what I wanted.
I hate being alone.
I hate thinking bad dark thoughts.
So I joined Tinder which is a dating app.
Met a few good people.
Went on dates.
Had my fun.

On December 1, I was raped by a guy who was a tinder acquaintance. I agreed to what began as consensual sex. I started having pains due to my endometriosis and asked him to stop. He said no. I put my hand on his chest and told him to stop. He pushed my hand away and thrust away.

I waited 8 days before involving the police.
8 days of denial.
8 days of mental silence.
8 days.
I should have gone to the police right after it happened but I couldn’t believe that someone had just raped me. That doesn’t happen to people like me. I’m careful. I can fight people off.

But I didn’t. I was verbal twice and physical once. After he pushed my arm away, I didn’t even try.

Why the fuck didn’t I try?
He could have killed me once he was done.
And I would have just sat there.
Frozen in fear.

I just don’t know.

I am in therapy. Police are investigating. I have an amazing support group.

My mind is so loud and prominent.
But I’m figuring out ways to quiet it down.

Currently playing: Imagine by A Perfect Circle
Currently feeling: scared
Current meds: Paxil 40, Xanax .5, birth control